Friday, January 09, 2009


Did NYT Vet Gay Sex Addict 'Modern Love' Story?

It's been almost one week since the NY Times ran a "Modern Love" column written by a reporter for the Sunday Magazine section, Benoit Denizet-Lewis, all about his addiction as a gay man to sex, and hunting for it over the web.

The piece was excerpted from his new book on Americans with addictions, including his own. You should also recall that Denizet-Lewis wrote a much-debated Sunday Magazine article back in April on young gays who had married in Massachusetts, published with phallus-infused photos of the happy homo couples, and one divorcee. Funny, I remember the phallus images more than any central point the gay married boys were making.

But with his "I'm a gay sex addict" essay, well-written certainly, and ready-made to be adapted into a film to serve as a cautionary tale not only to young gays but to anyone cruising the web for sexual pleasures, there was one large element that stood out and made me say, wait just a minute. Does this pass the smell test?

He was so addicted to online sexual pursuit he used blocking software to curb his cruising, and to get around the blocks he bought a whole new computer. From the NY Times essay:

I have set up Internet blocking software — the kind designed for children — on my computer, only to buy another computer when the urge to go into chat rooms became too strong.


Er, wouldn't it have been easier, and less expensive, to just unblock the restrictive software? Kind of like an alcoholic saying he won't drive his blue car to the bar anymore to stop his drinking, and then wants a cocktail so bad he buys a red car to hit the clubs and guzzle booze. A bit extreme, and costly.

Less troubling, but still worth mentioning, is the fact that Denizet-Lewis is quite attractive, if you like that youngish semi-alt blowsy haired intellectual look. I don't imagine he had any problem scoring dick or ass, and he didn't say a thing about being rejected during his drunk-with-sex phase.

Sure, I can believe a cock-hound would drive two hours in a storm in a second attempt to suck, after the first two hour drive the night before was a bust with the same guy. All men are pigs and will go to great lengths for sexual satisfaction.

But did this handsome young thing truly have to go all that great distance, twice, just to get played for an, um, sucker? Couldn't he stay closer to home and get stood up? What is the gay world coming to when even the cute ones have to trudge through downpours, lurk in desolate parking lots, in footwear suitable a sunny day at the beach.


My inner Thelma Ritter, as Birdie in "All About Eve" is coming out and I have to say this about Denizet-Lewis' tale:

"What a story. Everything but a pack of bloodhounds snapping at her rear end."


Bitchiness aside, I would love to know what sort of vetting the Times did with the column. Did the paper's editors accept whatever vetting process the book's publisher may have performed as meeting the Times' high standards, or, did the Times do it own verifying? I wonder how anyone could vet a sexual addiction memoir, but between the book publisher and the Times, they must have some rules for authenticating this tale.

Sorry to be suspicious about such a small point - a sex addict buying a second computer instead of unblocking web-restrictions he put on his first computer - but after the debunking of "A Thousand Little Pieces" and the unpublished Holocaust love story in which small apples were tossed over a concentration camp fence, little things that don't make immediate sense can potentially reflect a larger untruth.

For a writer who has extensively covered HIV/AIDS issues and people living with the syndrome, it's a bit odd Denizet-Lewis wrote nothing about dealing with HIV or other STDs during his addiction. How did he afford a stint in rehab? Did his insurance cover his stays? He also didn't say if he swallowed or really anything about his actual sexual encounters, such as, was he top, bottom or versatile.

True or not, I like sexual addiction stories with, well, more sex and dick.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Not to mention, most of BDL's major pieces have involved extensive use of unnamed sources and subjects. A lot about this is questionable.

Civic Center said...

Good sniffing. You're right, if the small details are wrong, then the larger story is usually a lie.

Possibly because I've had a few too many friends over the years with serious addiction problems, I don't have any interest in reading about addictive behavior for either amusement or information. Having said that, I totally agree with you that sexual addiction stories better have "dick and sex and things of that nature," as an old friend put it, or why bother?

Anonymous said...

It should be added that Lewis heavily cribbed from other previously published articles while in San Francisco, in particular, the XY model-murder Josh Puckett "expose" he did, which basically lifted all the facts from the Bay Area Reporter.

He attributed, yes, but the bulk of his article was reworded from previously published features.

Anonymous said...

Michael,

Sex addiction isn't necessarily about getting laid. Often it's about the chase. I can completely understand how even an attractive man will go to all lengths for a hookup, even when he expects it may fall through. This is addiction after all.

Sex addicts will not only go to great lengths to get sex, but will try to go to great lengths to control their addiction themselves. The computer story makes sense to me if he asked someone else to hook up the filtering software, or perhaps even put in a blind password (with his eyes closed) that he wouldn't be able to guess again. But when he couldn't get past it, he just bought a new computer.

And I am constantly amazed to what extent guys will hide their exposure to STDs out of shame. I'm not shocked he decided to leave out those details.